Becoming a first time parent, or even a second or third time parent, is a very daunting, but exciting time in anyone’s life. Lots of things go through your mind; how will I cope, what will change, how can I give them the best in life. It’s normal to panic and worry about what will change in your life during pregnancy and once the little one makes their appearance into the world. I’ve been thinking about what I want to achieve in parenting, how I want it to shape me as a person and how I want my child to be raised. I’m also getting Connor involved in this post as it’s an exciting time for us both and it will be nice to hear his views and thoughts too.
Firstly, I obviously want the typical things like health and happiness. I know multiple parents that have been through some really tough times with their babies being quite ill in the days, weeks and even months after birth. Hearing about their experiences sends chills up my spine as I can only imagine how they must be feeling. It’s always a worry in the back of a first time parent’s mind; how will I know something is wrong? I think it’s one of those things that you’ll just know, and even if you’re not sure it’s best to get things checked out just to be safe.
I’m hoping that we can create a positive environment. It’s so true that babies are a lot more clever than people think, and they can certainly pick up on the energy around them. Myself and Connor are pretty laid back people, and I couldn’t even recall the last time we had an argument so I’m hoping that we’ll be able to continue the positive environment – even in the most stressful of times when we’re exhausted and sleep deprived. We’re pretty fair people and have already talked about who will be doing feeds and when, who will be doing nappy changes and when. If we keep the happiness and positive energy around her then she will pick up on that and be a lot happier too.
Aside from the baby side of parenting to the parent side of parenting, I want to make sure that we still have our own time together. Whether it mean watching television together when she’s in bed because that’s all we’re able to do then so be it. It will be difficult at first, but as long as our relationship stays strong and happy then it will reflect in our parenting and happiness. It’s not fair to either of us to begin to neglect our relationship so it is important that we take a small amount of time every so often to spend a bit of time alone together.
This is the point I handed the laptop to Connor and had no control over what was written, and I vowed to not read it until this goes live…
I had multiple feelings and hopes during different stages of this pregnancy. The first being a mixture of emotions, I’m going to be a dad. Initially this sounds great (still does now!), but then it dawned on my I would have to tell my parents, friends and so on. The silver lining was that my soldiers do the business.
Connor, you’re going to be a dad.
At first nothing seems real about it, it’s all rather surreal. You’re told you’re going to be a Dad and that’s that. There isn’t a bump, there isn’t a little creature poking you through your missus’s belly at night. Just a bunch of cells nestled in her tum. First baby scan, that all changes. Everything feels different then, it begins to feel ‘real’. Everything changes. You see her heartbeat, you see her little limbs, you see your baby. It’s mesmerising, I couldn’t make head or tails of it. Mind boggling.
After all that, you sit there watching your partner grow, watching your baby grow. Week by week. You’re just waiting for the moment you will feel them move. I remember the first time I felt her move. Rather vividly in fact. It was in my bedroom, I was having a cuddle, and I felt this odd sensation on my hand. I gave the area a little poke hoping it was her. A few moments passed… and something poked back, so as you do… I thought would give it another poke. It poked back. It was her, she responded! Felt like I communicated with an alien life form at first. Intergalactic message transmissions. It was magical, that was my first real memory with my daughter. Will never forget that night, we poked each other back and forth for a long while, I’ll never know if she was having a good time or telling me to bugger off. Who knows? I doubt she’ll tell me when she comes out.
Moving on from there, it makes you think about when you will actually meet them? How will I react? I have the answer to that. I am going to be a blubbering mess, I act hard for the cameras but I’m going to sound like that guy who cries during the televised family intervention. It’s not going to be pretty, my daughters going to think I’m a whale. Aside from the bucket that will be needed, I’m ridiculously excited. I’m hoping it’s going to be everything I’ve ever dreamed off and more. I don’t think anything could match the feeling (scoring at the Fratton end would come close – sure of it.)
More thoughts begin to cascade from this. What am I going to be like…as a Dad. Am I going to be strict / lenient – loud / quiet – firm / easy – serious / fun?
I’m pretty sure I’m going to be a little of everything, I’m always going to let them have fun, I would hate to be a parent that doesn’t allow their child to explore and have fun. One thing I want is for them to make some mistakes and hurt themselves a bit… I’m with the notion that they shouldn’t be bubble wrapped 100% of the time. How will they ever learn? I’m a firm believer that you learn from experience, you need to make mistakes to learn. If you do something stupid/painful, you tend to avoid it the second time!
I want to show them new things and let them experience new things. Let them be positive and optimistic. Most of all, I want them to be happy, i want them to develop well, I want them to have a good head on their shoulders filled with good memories. Your parents dictate your childhood and shape your beliefs, morals and mannerisms. I want see a bit of me in her. I want to see her do something and think god… you can tell I’m the father! I want to see her chuck something across the room directly into the bin and then watch her mother fail miserably. Thats the point I’ll know, she’s my girl.
One thing I am keen to impose on my daughter is Music, Art and a bit of Dance. I for one am massive on music, love it. Who doesn’t, its a way to forget about the world and your troubles. That’s where the boogies comes in. Its a must. It’s just wrong not to (In the confines of your own space, of course. Don’t want to show people up in public do I?). Earth, Wind & Fire, “Disco Inferno” & the Bee Gees, sweet sweet grooves will learnt to be loved. They make the hips move in weird and wonderful ways. I am not weird, I promise. Art, on the other hand. Its good to be creative isnt it, bit of glue and finger painting does not hurt anybody. Good fun.
All in all, I want her to have a good life, be a good person, be a happy person and I want to have a good time doing it.
Peace, Christie out.