I had a post planned, but decided I didn’t like it so here we are… It’s been a while since I last sat down and just typed away without really thinking about it. So this post is a long overdue, very much needed chinwag / rant about life. Also, do bear with me if some of this makes sense, like I said it’s unplanned and I doubt I’ll check over it to make it more chit chatty.
It’s been so long I don’t really know where to begin to be totally honest. As you may or may not know, back when I was pregnant I was made redundant by my employer, for no other reason than the fact that they didn’t want to pay maternity. Yes, I know they’re not actually allowed to do that! I sought advice, but I could only testify for my job back and thought ‘nah, I’m alright!’. Honestly, I was kind of relieved; I wasn’t being paid correctly each month, I was on minimum wage for a job I’m fully qualified in & it was just a completely unprofessional environment. Why am I going on this rant you may be wondering? Well, in November I started a new job. One where I couldn’t really be happier. It’s not doing graphic design, however I would love to get there one day, but it’s a lovely workplace with lovely people.
I work full time, which does mean Lana goes to nursery. Now, I’ve had a lot of people be really supportive, and people that are really not supportive at all. I’ve been told it’s shameful I’ve “shipped my child off”, or that I “couldn’t be bothered to be a proper mum”. Thankfully the good opinions outweigh the bad. I’d understand a little bit if Lana hated going to nursery and hated me not being around, but to be honest I think she loves it more than being at home sometimes! She loves being able to play with the other children in her group and is making such amazing progress in her developments. SHE TAKES STEPS, GUYS, MY 9 MONTH OLD TAKES STEPS! Without a doubt I miss her more than she misses me when I’m at work. It is hard, but there’s them things called bills that kind of have to be paid.
I recently turned 21. That was fun! I had a really amazing night out with all my friends and was spoilt by everyone. What more can I say really? All there is to say is that I had a really lovely weekend with everyone I love.
Weight loss has been going really well too! I’m really happy with how things are going with that. I’ve been back on the Slimming World from home wagon, but again, fairly loosely. If I want to treat myself, I will. If I want to go on a night out without worrying what I’m drinking, I will. Obviously over Christmas I put back on a few pounds that had been lost last year, but not even a New Year motivated me. We had so much junk food left over that we waited until going back to work to get back into eating right. Now, even with being generous to myself, I have still lost HALF A STONE! Half a stone as of the 2nd Feb anyway… Now I’m pretty chuffed with that, I won’t lie.
So even with all of this good stuff happening, I’m still sat here feeling like I’m stuck. I have no other way of explaining my mindset at the moment other than that. I’m stuck in a mindset where I feel like I’m not doing enough. I’ve been stuck in the mindset of always needing to do something. I can’t not be busy, either physically or mentally. If I’m sat down, I’ll still be tapping something or my brain will be going at a million miles an hour. It’s sort of a catch twenty two situation where I keep telling myself to chill out, but every time I try to I tell myself I’m wasting time and need to be doing something. Sometimes I wonder if it’s my subconscious trying to keep my mind off of something. I wouldn’t have a clue what it would be that could possibly be bothering me.
I don’t know what my mind is up to half the time, so I don’t expect you to either. Saying that, if you have ever been in the mindset that I’m in at the moment, how did you get out of it? I’m driving myself up the wall because I can’t chill out! I hope this wasn’t too boring, but let me know if you liked it. Also, if there’s anything you want me to expand on or talk about in detail in it’s own post then let me know about that too!